Free humour book on March 9th and March 10th

Find excerpts like this in my book Rhetorical Musketeers and other stories.

“Dear William Shakespeare:

Thank you so much for letting us see the draft of your play ‘Hamlet’.

Sadly, on this occasion we can’t accept the play. However, we will give you some feedback and wish you well in placing your work with another publisher.

Firstly, we feel that the play is simply too long. We used jungle-destroying amounts of paper when we printed off copies for our assessors. If the play were half the length, not only would it improve the flow of the scenes, it would also be more environmentally friendly. Plays that consume trees for no good reason aren’t doing well at the box office right now.

Secondly, the name of the play, Hamlet, is problematical. People associate the word Hamlet with small cigars, not plays, so perhaps the title should be changed to a more distinctive name such as ‘War at Elsinore’ or something catchy like that. You should also consider moving the action from Denmark to another setting, such as Chicago in the 1920s or Berlin in the 1930s. Denmark isn’t an ‘in’ place right now, especially amongst theatre goers.

Thirdly, we feel the names of the characters would be associated by the audience with olden times. We believe that some of the names should be modernized – for example Gertrude could be changed to ‘Trude and Laertes could become Laser T.”

Free on March 9th and March 10th