Free humour book on March 9th

Read excerpts like this for free in this book on March 9th and March 10th.

Hugo Arbuthnot-Smythe, universally known as ‘Topper’ Smythe, has died free-climbing on Mount Robson aged 89. His guide dog also perished in the fall.

Topper Smythe is most famous as a fearless fighter pilot during World War II racking up more kills than any other Canadian, if you count his allied victims too. Some of his feats are legendary, such as his incredible individual raid on the Focke-Wulf plant at Bremerhaven, while the rest of the air force attacked the actual plant in Bremen. “All Jerries look the same from that height,” was his memorable explanation of this incident.

On that day, he still found time to shoot down 8 Messerschmitts, 7 Dorniers, and a Flying Fortress in what was one of the earliest examples of a friendly fire incident. Topper was an extremely daring pilot, once flying just 2 feet away from a railway engine and trying to shoot the driver with his revolver, having expended all his ammunition over Holland. The Great Western Railway in England complained and Topper was officially warned as to his future conduct, though privately the Canadian military judge agreed that Topper had done the right thing – the driver wasn’t a hockey fan.

Topper’s speed of reaction was sensational, though it had to be as he was a very fast driver, as Victor “Chalky” Black, a fellow pilot remembers: “Topper sped everywhere and he used to give me a lift to the airfield from our lodgings – on one memorable day the siren went off and we raced to the field – accidentally running over six peasants on our way – and blow me, if after shooting down 12 jerries, we hit those same people on the way back after the dogfight – isn’t that a coincidence? The peasants were cheery about their fate, they grimaced and waved a V for Victory at us, it was wartime after all and the Dunkirk spirit still prevailed. After driving with Topper, stepping into the plane and fighting the Germans was a relaxing experience”.

Topper was once shot down near Switzerland and injured his leg, but still hopped across the border disguised as a one-legged onion-seller from Provence. The Swiss authorities spirited him back to England, where after three days rest, he was back shooting Jerry, though this time it was the husband of the lady who was helping his leg heal. Topper maintained self-defence.