Free book of humorous stories

The book containing this story is free on March 10th.

Ethos tipped his hat to the damsel and from his tunic drew out a parchment signed by the King, which indicated that Ethos was a Rhetorical Musketeer of the King, First Class. He showed the parchment to Sharon, indicating the official seal on it.

“The third Rhetorical Musketeer is the intellectual looking gentleman on your right, his name is Logos and to appeal to him you must relate some statistics and figures which show that you are the right person to be rescued at this stage.”

Logos smiled at the damsel, showing eight teeth; he gave the V for Victory sign with two fingers on his right hand. His horse was precisely 17 hands high and had exactly 28,943 hairs in its tail. Logos had counted them all. Twice. Just to be sure.

Sharon was in tears and felt very confused by all the appeals she had to make. But, she reasoned, at least she had a chance to use her skills to an audience, a primary audience at that. Her motivation was to be rescued. She wouldn’t have to use the passive voice either!

“I think I understand what you are telling me,” said Sharon, “I am a bit confused by which of you needs what appeal, but I will try my best. However, I do get the distinct impression that shouting and screaming SAVE ME at the top of my voice just won’t work with you musketeers.”

The Rhetorical Musketeers said nothing. Pathos had his handkerchief poised, Ethos stroked his official Musketeer’s beard, and Logos flicked two flies from his horse’s mane.

“Dear Rhetorical Musketeers, I want you to rescue me. Pathos I appeal to you first. How would you like your daughter to be locked away in a tall tower in a dark forest, waiting for an evil dwarf to breathe horrid fumes over her all night, as she writhed, screamed, and begged to be free, to return home to her family, her loving mother, her caring, handsome father, her…”

“Enough!” blubbed Pathos, crying into his handkerchief, “I will rescue thee fair damsel, just say no more.”