Freddie Friday

Man Friday went to England and eventually settled down with a woman called Jane Weeks. They moved to Ireland and lived at Sunday’s Well near Cork, where they raised seven children. I met one of the 13th generation of Man Friday’s descendants in London a few years ago. His name was Freddie Friday. He informed me that he is the only human being to have been savaged by a sloth and that he was once set upon by some youths at a ‘Fine Young Cannibals’ concert and had to be rescued. Freddie had a different job for each day of the week, all part-time of course.

Academically gifted, Freddie attended Trinity College, Cambridge, and became a fellow of All Souls College in Oxford. He was a church-goer and attended All Saints. He was happiest on Palm Sunday, when he always felt as though the sun was on his back, even in the pouring rain. He played golf at Royal St George’s but kept hitting the ball into the bunkers that littered the course. He kept his money in a bank and adored the holly berries that appeared at Christmas.

Freddie was well-versed in the arts and had strong opinions on his favourite things. He told me about these loves, giving me just the facts. Freddie’s favourite TV show character was Dragnet’s Sgt. Joe Friday, though his favourite program was Saturday Night Live. He admired the painting ‘Sunday in the Park with Georges’ – he said the pointillism reminded him of particles of multi-coloured sand. Freddie loved the Boomtown Rats, in particular their song “I don’t like Mondays”, though he couldn’t tell me why. Freddie adored the actress Tuesday Weld, who appeared in the film The Cincinnati Kid. Freddie felt he had strange parents and really identified with the character called Wednesday in ‘The Addams Family.’ He particularly enjoyed reading the books of GK Chesterton and felt that ‘The Man who was Thursday’ was his finest work.

Whenever Freddie travelled abroad, he stayed in places for a long time, especially when visiting Christmas Island and Easter Island. He used Footprint Guides whenever possible. Freddie’s favourite singer was Enrico Caruso and he drank Robinson’s beer more than any other. He followed the fortunes of the Tottenham Hotspur soccer team assiduously, especially their goalscorer Jermain Defoe. Apart from Chesterton, Freddie read the Bible and knew the book of Daniel off by heart.

Freddie had heard that the scientist Sir Isaac Newton, who also studied at Trinity College, had used the Book of Daniel to calculate the date for the apocalypse. “My grandchildren won’t be pleased to hear this,” he said, “but it looks as though just after 2060 it will be The End of Days, and the sands of time will run out for the Fridays too.”

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